Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize