we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
