im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The power of my boobs compel you
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