Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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