So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
