You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
