A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You can't just leave with hair like that
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
