Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
