He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
