walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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