I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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