this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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