His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
