You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
