I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize