He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
