i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
