So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
