In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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