Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
