why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
