Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

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(623): View more from Arizona

everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.

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(815): View more from Illinois

i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"

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(908): View more from New Jersey

My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am

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(513): View more from Ohio

I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

he quoted the bible to break up with me

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(856): View more from New Jersey

We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college

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(937): View more from Ohio

Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it

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