with your own penis?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize