You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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