I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
