Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
