His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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