You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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