He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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