bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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