Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
