could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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