it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
