You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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