i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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