Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
