I love black thongs
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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