I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
