I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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