This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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