also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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