This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
