so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
