I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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