I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
