yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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