So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
