he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
