Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
