Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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