mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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