is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
