Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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