Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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