So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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