And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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