Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
