I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
