Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
