I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
