she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
