Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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