dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
