I wish I could punch you in the face.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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