last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
