North Korea, Best Korea!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
