We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
