Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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