We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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