Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
