They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
