it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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