So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
